The Camping Trip - Episode 2

 

Mark

 We probably would’ve sat in our silent standoff forever, except behind me I could hear a vehicle stopping. Turning my head a bit, I could see the logo of the park on the side of a white truck. Uh oh, did we do something wrong?

The park ranger hopped out. Waving a greeting as he said, "Hey, hope you're enjoying your day so far. However, you can't park just off the side of the road like that." He pointed to my car, smiling all the while. “And Sam at the office said neither of you asked for wood. But with y’all in tents, you probably will be needing some. This close to the lake, the mosquitos gonna eat you alive even if you have bug spray. The smoke from a fire will be a huge help.” He chuckled at this.

I breathed out a big sigh. My escape hatch had just gone out the window, no making a quick break for it later if things went south. And what was this about being eaten by bugs? The guy was making some weird joke, right? Yeah, I knew about mosquitos in theory. Just like I knew about cows in theory.

And a wave of nausea hit me as I had a flashback to when I was eight. The time we had a lesson in school about those cute farm animals in my story books. Turns out that’s where the meat in the grocery store came from. I'd left school in tears, told my mother I was never eating meat again. Which lasted about a week before the smell of bacon overpowered me. Then came a juicy, greasy hamburger I couldn’t pass up. Alright, I felt guilty sometimes. But, hey, it’s not like I’d every met a cow in person. We have rooftop gardens in the city, not rooftop farms.

Gripping the arms of the chair tight, I whipped myself back to the present. Man up, dude. Don’t be such a sissy. How bad can a few bugs be? Yet, I didn’t have any bug spray just in case.

“Right, wood would be great. We need a fire to eat.” I answered as I started to rise from my chair. Needed to show Amber I’m as macho as this guy, while not admitting to what I was lacking. Planting my feet, standing up as straight as I could on my skinny, chicken legs.  “All I brought was some canned food. Gotta heat it up somehow or we’ll starve. So, I’ve got to go back down to the office?” How to get wood for a fire had never crossed my mind. Somehow, I’d thought there’d be a stack of it at the campsite. Hence, I’d been rather surprised to find only a weird ash filled ring on one side of the site. No pre-cut wood anywhere in sight and I hadn’t any idea of how to chop down a tree. Even if I had something with me to cut it down with other than a steak knife. Don't ask why I'd brought that when I hadn't brought any meat.

Okay, fine. I should’ve joined Boy Scouts one of those many times I’d been invited to. But I’m a nerd, a very happy city boy who never gets dirty and would never dream of doing any kind of sports. Why I agreed to this little adventure with my wife was beyond me. However, women seem to have some kind of power few creatures have. They fiddle with their hair, do a few little wiggles and you’ll follow them to Antarctica.

“Oh, no sir. I’d be happy to grab some for you folks. You seem to be out bit out of your element. What with your tents lopsided, on the rocks, not tied down and all.” He grabbed his sides as he let out a great belly laugh. “When I get back, I’ll help y’all fix things.”

Taking a closer look at both of our tents, I had to admit neither looked anything like the pictures on the box. While I didn’t know if Amber had extra pieces, I know I had. I’d tossed them back in the box in the trunk of the car. Figured it was like those bookshelves that always come with extra bits to make you crazy. Ugh. This wasn’t anyway to impress any girl much less save a marriage.

A second after the guy left, I heard a strange noise coming from Amber’s side of the area. Looking over at her, she was slumped in her chair, her face a weird shade of off-white and her eyes were glazed. “Ya good?”

“Burgs?” She garbled. “No…”

Ah, I’d forgotten how freaked out she’d gotten about the bedbugs in our first apartment. I’d told her it wasn’t any biggie, stay in a hotel for a bit while the place was being fumigated. We’d ended up moving instead. “All good dear. You heard the guy, build a fire, no bugs.” Pretty clear at this juncture, she’d never considered there’d be critters in the wilderness when she’d come up with this crazy idea.

After I pulled my car in tight near Amber’s, I grabbed all that extra junk and tossed it over by the tent. By then the friendly ranger was back. Yup, there he was, in all his masculine glory. Tall, handsome, built like an ox. Next to him, I looked like an awkward teenager. Thus, I tried to be as far from him as possible.

In a blink of an eye, he had both tents in tiptop shape, a roaring fire going and a pile of wood left for later. He waved goodbye, making sure we knew how to get him or someone he called ‘the host’ if we needed anything else. I felt like I was in kindergarten and had been given a private afterschool lesson by the teacher. A good example of what a man should be and everything I wasn’t.

As Amber tucked her chair in by the fire, choking a bit at the smell of the smoke, she seemed to relax. Meanwhile, I started digging through my box of canned goods. Oh no, pineapple, peaches, green beans, pears, etc. How do I make a meal of this?

“Hey, I don’t have much here that what you would call dinner-worthy.” I called from the depths of my car.

“That’s okay, I’ve got soup, chili and stuff like that.” She called back. “Oh, and Hon, we don’t need to cook on the fire. I brought a stove. And my small radio, maybe you can find a station?”

What radio station?

A: jazz

B: rap

C: news radio