Evolving

I went out to lunch yesterday with a friend.  This was the first time in over two months we’ve gotten together because of each of us taking very long vacations.  Our plan was to relax, catch-up and share photos of our respective trips.  I got there first and waited for her at a table.  She showed up a few minutes later without her purse, which was fine, I could pay for our meal.  But it wasn’t normal for her to be not lugging the thing.  You know, one of those huge purses which has everything but the kitchen sink in it.  Trust me, she’s never without it.  After raising 5 kids of her own, adopting 7 more and fostering who knows how many, she had everything in there.  I once made a comment that my contact was bothering me and she whipped out several types of eyedrops, contact lens solution and hand wipes.  Okay, I know I’m off on a rabbit trail here.  Back to my story.  After we place our orders, I start showing her my photos on my tablet.  After a few moments, she stops me and makes a comment about her purse being with her ‘stalker’ and she has her wallet in her pocket.  Uhm, not knowing how to respond to a statement like that, I continue to swipe through my shots.  Later, she pulls her phone out of her coat pocket and starts showing me her photos.  After only a few of them, I must say my shock and surprise became harder and harder to hide.  You see, her husband is ex-military.  He always has a buzz cut, is clean shaven, with button down shirt, pressed pants (I’ve never even seen him wear jeans).  This trip was their second honeymoon after 30 years of marriage, a trip of a lifetime, one they’ve been planning for years.  And here in these photos, her husband was changing from straight laced to a cross between mountain man and hippy.  His hair was unkempt (was he still showering?), he had a scraggly beard, he was wearing a worn t-shirt and cut off jean shorts (did he go to a thrift store?) and was either wearing flip-flops or no shoes.  As politely as I could, I asked if she’d ever seen him look like this before.  Not only was the answer no but then she launches into a tale of woe about going to the grocery store soon after getting back home.  There they were shopping together, sort of I guess, when an elderly lady comes up to my friend to alert her that a strange homeless man was stalking her and may be trying to steal her purse out of the shopping buggy.  Of course that man was her husband.  Oh my.  Now I’m all for change and growth, finding our true selves and being comfortable in our own skins.  However, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a change this dramatic with no apparent reason for it.  Did the band so tightly holding him together finally snap?  Is the change permanent or will he revert to his former self at some point?  Better question – can my friend calm down, take a breath and learn to accept her husband no matter what he looks like today?  After all, we can’t make people change no matter how hard we try.  They may try to be different to please us for a while but in the end it can’t last unless it’s what they want as well.  We can only control ourselves, no one else.  Unfortunately, that’s a lesson some people will never learn.  So embrace the ones you love, warts and all.  Who knows, it might just be some kind of a phase...