Not funny

Ha! Ha!  I know someone who thinks he's a great comedian.  He's always telling jokes.  Here's the thing though - no one can tell when he’s making a joke.  He doesn’t use any of the cues most people do.  His voice inflection doesn’t usually change.  He uses no facial expressions or hand gestures.  Not to mention the subject matter is often in poor taste.  To make matters worse, he sounds angry sometimes.  Case in point:  The other day a group of friends were sitting around the local coffeeshop.  One of my friends starts to stand up, gathering her things and announces she needed to leave to go to the grocery store.  This guy, the so-called-comedian, stated in a very loud, gruff voice, “Again?  Didn’t you go just the other day?  What do you have a new boyfriend at the store or something?”  Sure, this might’ve been seen as funny if he had, as the saying goes, a smile in his voice, a twinkle in his eye.  Oh, and maybe a raised eyebrow as well.  But nope.  No facial expression whatsoever and the almost angry tone.  She spins around and shouts, “It’s not any of your business.”  And then storms out of the coffeeshop.  “Hey, I was only kidding.  What’s she so angry about?”  Mr. Comedian asks the rest of us left at the table.  All of us start looking at the floor, the ceiling, the barista behind the bar.  Yup, all of us have been the brunt of one of his ‘jokes’ at one time or another.  There was the time he screamed at me to never walk alone because it was too unsafe for a tiny girl. ‘Just kidding.’  No I didn’t find that funny.  There was the time he told one of the guys if he was going ‘nowhere, he better stay there because that’s where he belonged.’  Again, not funny.  But heaven help you if you try to tell this guy exactly how unfunny he is.  Trust me on this – been there, done that, got the t-shirt.  I got told I wouldn’t ever understand comedy because I was a Brainiac like Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory.  To truly understand funny you had to be a ‘real’ person, and he started laughing hysterically at that.  Don’t ask me why he’s still part of the group.  He was part of the group before I joined thus it’s not my place to say ‘Hey, he’s got to go.’  However, there are days I just wish he’d read a book of jokes and try telling them.  Even if they're those stupid kids jokes – you know like ‘What did the 0 say to the 8?  Nice belt!’  That would be such a nice change of pace.  Okay, I know, I’m usually one who's an advocate of people just being themselves.  But in this case, it’s caused way to much harm to way too many people.  So if you ever meet a guy who cuts you with his razor tongue, then says “Hey, I was only joking!”  I’m sorry.  Because that means I, and everyone around him, have never found a way to get him to stop.